I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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