Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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