The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
