You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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