oh god the rape fog is back!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
