respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
