just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
