I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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