I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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