apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
