I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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