Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
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