were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
