he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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