By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
