I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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