I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
