you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
