We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
