Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
