Dual....:-)
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
