Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
