i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
