God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize