put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
