I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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