what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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