Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Apparently you make a good broom.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is Oprah even human
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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