Whod you bang
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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