The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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