Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
