put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
