come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize