this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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