piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
