You're so nebulous sometimes
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
