We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
