I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
