Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
