I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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