This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
