i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
