those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We just shotgunned beers for America
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize