Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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