the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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