kristin has been a bad kristin
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
