Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
