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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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