I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize