you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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