Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
whose parrot is this?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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