I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
