I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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