I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
