Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
