he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
