its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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