Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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