Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
