Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
