I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
