Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
