Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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