Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize