Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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