Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
