Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize