last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
