Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
