Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You smell like a Billy Joel song
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
