We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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