after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
