You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
