Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
