I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
