I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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