i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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