in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
