ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You took a bar mat shot.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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