So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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