Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
