Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She is in my trunk
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
