Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
