my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
