you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize