I haven't been this sober since birth.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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