Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
