Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
