Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
