I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
