Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
