You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
