omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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