Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
