? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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