i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
