It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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