Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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