So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
