The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize