we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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