i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
