Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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