i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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