is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
only you would photoshop your dick
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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