Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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