it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you didnt know i had herpes?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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