make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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