Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
