My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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