wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize