Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
