Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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