Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
